i have restless legs and i feel like it’s a cruel joke by the universe
c’mon my legs are so useless that i have to use a wheelchair and i get this shit give me a break
i never know what ratio of alcohol to mixer to put in so mostly i’m just like eh fuck it and then end up with like two shots for like less than six ounces of liquid
every so often i get really freaked out by my body’s proportions
doctors know absolutely so little. since middle school i’ve been getting these chest pains which i would not be surprised if i keele over dead during one of them?? they are absolutely indescribably painful. and this is just one tiny thing among the million other symptoms i have but no one can tell me why it happens. that’s what it’s like ad infinitum. nothing fits together to make a larger picture that they can understand, instead each new piece adds more confusion.
i want to hibernate for the next three months and when i wake up maybe things will be less shite
it’s just that i still think about killing myself every day and i can’t quite convince myself that i shouldn’t have just done it instead of going to get help
(all that taught me was to shut the fuck up)
and it’s been a year and change and everything is still the same as it was
so what exactly am i sticking around for?
i’ve decided to start a visual diary of the creepy shit i dream about
considering printing up business cards that say ‘your look is super fab’ to give out when people’s looks are super fab
do you know what i love more than bad jokes?
to help people understand my physical limitations, i sometimes say i’m basically like an 85 year old lady
it has never felt more applicable than when i was lying in the landing thinking if i have to say ‘help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up’ i am going to be so pissed